


You Don’t Know Tony Stark like Rhodey Does

by MysticMedusa



Series: 5+1 [13]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 12:01:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13763736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMedusa/pseuds/MysticMedusa
Summary: Tony has some odd side effects to certain medication, there's a reason he refuses it but it seemed no one else got the memo





	You Don’t Know Tony Stark like Rhodey Does

 

The avengers had been together for several years and if asked they’d say it was safe to say they knew just about everything about their teammates. They of course would be wrong about this considering no one had seen what happens when you give Tony Stark heavy painkillers. In Bruce’s defense, he honestly didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to assume Tony was just being difficult when he refused the meds.

 

1

 

“Bucky come on you know me.” Steve was trying to reason with Bucky Barnes who was still trying to push off the winter soldier programming and had until now not had any episodes.

The former Hydra assassin didn’t look like he recognized Steve as the super soldier tried to reach him. Natasha, Clint, Sam, and Rhodey were trying to help at least by keeping Bucky contained to avoid him going on a murder path. Bucky however was Hydra’s best assassin for a reason. He managed to knock Steve down and then Natasha and Clint at the same time. He was nearly to the stairwell when a blurry eyed genius came up.

“Tony watch out!” Sam warned but the genius didn’t seem to hear him.

Bucky was about to attack Tony but all of a sudden the genius grabbed the former assassin’s arm and flung him around like Hulk had Loki leaving the floor in shambles. Thoroughly knocked out Tony left Bucky embedded into the floor and continued on his way.

“Damn it who gave Tony heavy drugs? He’s not supposed to have strong pain medication.” Rhodey snapped like that explained how the normal human genius flung the other man around like he weighed nothing.

“What the hell?” Clint asked as he got up from where Bucky had knocked him down.

“Look, this is one of the better side effects of Tones getting heavy pain meds. Just avoid doing anything near him resembling an attack and you won’t be broken. I need to have a word with Banner.”

Not believing Rhodey the spy twins followed Tony curious about his apparent super strength. When Thor slapped him on the back later the genius hadn’t even budged and punched Thor through three walls with little effort. Of course when Bruce found out that Tony really hadn’t been difficult and knew he had strange reactions to medication the good doctor had Hulked out. Turned out it wasn’t a problem as Tony one punched him into a KO. Natasha had decided she had seen enough while Clint just stared wide eyed and in awe.

 

~

 

2

 

The second time Tony got pain meds it had been a prank by Clint. He hadn’t thought it would do any harm to have a super strength genius around and he thought it would be funny to see Tony punch Thor again leaving the god utterly confused.

They were called out before Clint could see the results of his prank and unfortunately they were called out for Loki. The god was causing havoc as usual which thankfully meant he wasn’t trying to rule the planet again. This time he’d frightened an entire mall leaving people running and screaming as they attempted to get away from the god of chaos.

“Brother stop your schemes!” Thor’s voice boomed loudly as he spoke to Loki who was leaning over a jewelry case no doubt about to steal what he wanted.

Loki scowled at Thor about to snap at him when a familiar red gauntlet slapped Thor across the face. The thunder god stared shocked as he touched his cheek.

“Man of iron-”

“Silence you brute, how dare you speak so rudely to the most handsome and talented prince to ever grace this world with his presence!”

Loki’s jaw nearly hit the floor while Clint could be heard cursing signaling to everyone else that whatever was happening it was his fault. Tony stepped out of his armor and pulled a bouquet of roses from…somewhere and presented them to Loki as he was on one knee before him.

“My beautiful Prince Loki, please accept these roses that cannot even begin to match your beauty. It is truly a sin that no one yet has showered you in jewels and riches worthy of you. If you will allow me let me be the one to show the world you deserve to be spoiled with wonders no one else could even dream of.”

“Tony what the hell are you doing?” Steve asked as he stood next to an equally shocked winter soldier who hadn’t expected this for his first mission since being cleared.

“Silence you worthless heathen; you disgrace this prince with your unworthy presence.”

Loki’s face flushed with a deep blush as he finally accepted the roses. Tony stood offering his arm.

“Allow me to escort you to a more appropriate setting for one such as yourself. You will want for nothing when with me my prince.”

To shocked by the situation the Avengers just watched as Tony escorted Loki like the perfect gentleman. By the time they recovered Natasha just pulled out her phone and dialed Rhodey.

“Tony just charmed Loki, insulted Steve, and slapped Thor. What the hell is going on?”

Natasha doubted Rhodey could sigh any louder.

“Who the hell gave Tony pain meds? I keep telling you people not to but does anyone listen? He’ll show up again when they start wearing off.”

Rhodey hung up clearly annoyed with them. Natasha gave Clint a murderous glare causing the archer to run away. He didn’t get far before the entire Avengers team minus one armored genius was on him trying to get answers.

When Tony showed up again it was at the tower where the team was pacing nervous and worried for the genius that was with Loki of all people. When the elevator opened it revealed a very calm looking Loki and a relaxed Tony. The genius turned to Loki and brought his hand to his lips to kiss it.

“Until next time my prince.”

Loki was blushing again and sporting some very expensive jewelry as well as a new tailored suit. Tony stepped out of the elevator and did a charming bow to Loki as the elevator closed. The others just watched as Tony made his way over to the couch once Loki was gone and proceeded to pass out snoring loudly.

Everyone just stared until Rhodey passed by and whispered ‘Thank god.’ And walked off.

 

~

 

3

 

The third time they learned of the reactions Tony had to pain killers it wasn’t even any of their faults. He hadn’t been able to get out of going to Shield’s doctors after a mission and ended up given some heavy duty medication to deal with his broken arm and several broken ribs. Doom had not been kind with his last attack and Tony had gotten the worse of it.

They hadn’t been sure he’d been given anything until they’d entered the kitchen to find the genius reading the newspaper…on the ceiling. Bucky looked up at him, shrugged, and walked away. Steve who had Tony on his case for daring to read a newspaper completely ignored the fact he was sitting on the ceiling like gravity didn’t apply to him in order to return the favor.

“Oh so it’s ok for you to read the newspaper but not me? What happened to all your fancy technology and that reading the newspaper makes me an old man?”

Tony looked up (down) at him with a frown.

“Steven why are you on the ceiling? You should get that checked out, clearly something’s wrong.”

He stood up and walked away tucking the newspaper under his arm. Only as he walked away did he notice Tony had his clothing on backwards. Steve stared his mouth opening and closing without a sound until Rhodey walked by.

“God damn it people!” He snapped and walked back out.

Clearly this was another normal side effect that Tony sometimes experienced. It was like opposite day for him which explained why gravity didn’t apply to him, he was overly polite, and put his clothing on backwards. It also explained why he wouldn’t touch any of the tech in the tower.

 

~

 

4

 

Natasha was the only one to witness the fourth time Tony ended up with strange side effects to pain meds. She’d given up on questioning the side effects and as long as he didn’t end up a threat to other people she didn’t bother reporting it to Fury. She did however raise a brow when Rhodey dropped off a sleeping genius before turning back to the two men that stood with him.

“Sorry again Everett Ross and Doctor Strange. He’s not supposed to have pain meds because shit like this happens.”

The shorter man likely Ross shrugged.

“Not everyday I get kidnapped to go solve crimes. I think I’d make a decent John Watson but I’m not sure why he said I wasn’t his Watson.”

Rhodey laughed.

“Not sure but solving crimes as Sherlock and Watson sounds like fun. Not sure why he returned you to Strange though.”

“He claimed he was returning my Watson and that he had to borrow him because his didn’t exist in this universe. I must admit I’m curious if he honestly has knowledge of the multiverse or if he was just talking nonsense. Feel free to tell him when he’s coherent that I’d love to talk with him about it.”

Natasha watched the doctor open a portal likely to return Ross wherever he belonged.

“So, he solves crimes.”

Rhodey groaned as he rubbed his temples.

“Yes which I have no idea how he ended up in Europe but I’ve learned long ago not to question it.”

Natasha just watched the sleeping genius who was muttering about someone called Moriarty. She shrugged and returned to doing her nails.

 

~

 

5

 

The avengers weren’t even sure how to react to the ridiculousness that was the side effects of Tony getting painkillers. Sure it was Shield’s fault again because none of the doctors there believed them when they said they’d seen Tony doing a workout on the ceiling because gravity meaning nothing to him was one of the six random side effects Rhodey said the genius would suffer. Of course none of them had bothered to actually ask what other things might happen besides him becoming undeniably charming, super strong, or think he was Sherlock Homes to go solve crime.

“Why is the towering being overrun by pokemon?” Sam asked staring uncertain what to do about the verity of creatures crowding the room.

Bucky didn’t bother waiting for an answer; he jumped onto the back of a Charazard and let the dragon take of flying with him on it. His delighted cheer did not bode well for anyone especially with the pokemon breathing fire as he went.

“Guys, let’s have a pokemon battle! I want to see who will win, Thor or Zapdos.”

The answer was Zapdos. Steve worried about Thor being dead by unexpected pokemon appearances and checked on the god who was very much alive.

“Aren’t the pokemon supposed to fight?” Clint asked wondering why Tony had the legendary pokemon attack Thor.

“That’s lame, plus he’s a god so he can take it.” Tony said picking up a Jigglypuff and wandering off.

Natasha decided to take the Mew and wander off as well. She would never admit she liked pokemon. Of course they never got an explanation for that side effect. Rhodey had heard about it later after the pokemon vanished without a trace.

 

~

 

+1

 

“Ok what the hell?” Steve asked standing on the balcony of the tower with the others looking at the flying pirate ship that had decided to dock at the tower.

“Ahoy, I’m looking for a crew to go plundering with!”

Sam just closed his eyes and groaned, Natasha shook her head, Clint cheered ready to go even if Tony dressed as a pirate captain was talking about committing crimes, Steve looked up to the sky as though some deity would grant him strength, Thor was utterly confused and still slightly twitchy from being shocked by a pokemon the month before, Rhodey just shrugged like he’d expecting this to happen, and Bucky was looking slightly intrigued.

“Yes, come plundering with us. We’re heading to another realm to do so.” Loki said from where he was lounging on the railing of the ship looking quite comfortable dressed as a pirate.

“Brother?” Thor asked shocked to see his brother.

“This be ye brother? His booty is the first I went to plunder!” Tony said wrapping his arm around Loki to pull him closer when the god stood.

“Oh dear god…” Steve went back inside.

“Yep, going to go be pirates.” Bucky said going up to the ship with Clint not far behind.

Natasha went to retrieve Steve when she saw Fury and Coulson come out of the lower portion of the ship dressed as pirates. Steve reluctantly joined which meant Sam joined to.

A week later the ship and its crew returned. Fury and Coulson were carrying chests full of goodies they’d stolen from other worlds that they would no doubt try and use like they had the tesseract, Bucky and Clint were drunk still from two nights ago having decided pirating meant drinking nearly nonstop, Thor had a mountain full of gold and jewels he was saying he’d take to Asgard, Natasha was pulling along with her the corpse of the kraken she’d killed singlehandedly while Tony continued to plunder Loki’s booty much to the horror of most of them (Bucky had decided to flat out stare when that was happening apparently having a voyeurism kink), Sam had gotten himself a fancy sword he’d stolen from an elf, Steve had a pirate captain outfit he’d stolen when they’d overtaken another pirate ship, and Loki was carrying a now passed out Tony to put him in the tower before he likely vanish to avoid anyone trying to arrest him (he was still a villain and on Shield’s wanted list).


End file.
